“All week, Hillary Clinton has been saying that she has no intention of running for president. See, this is kind of like her version of ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman.’ ”
— Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton told Time magazine that she sympathizes with Martha Stewart because they’re friends. Apparently, Martha used to come by the Oval Office once a week to try to get the stains out.”
— Jay Leno

“Hillary said that after Bill admitted the affair with Monica he would spend time alone with Buddy, the dog. He would spend all his time with Buddy the dog. At least that’s how he told her he got those scratches on his back.”
— Jay Leno

“In the book Hillary says she and President Clinton kept their marriage together through counseling. Yeah, that and living in different cities and never seeing each other.”
— Craig Kilborn

“Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage couldn’t be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled ‘Chicks I Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.’ ”
 — Craig Kilborn

“Bob Dole and Bill Clinton did a point/counterpoint segment on ’60 Minutes’ and both of them brought their own sponsors. Bob Dole of course had Viagra and Clinton had Dupont Stain Master Carpets.”
— Jay Leno

What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
When we want some dick in the White House, we just vote

To which preacher did Bill go for advice?
Oral Roberts

“You may think you have a stressful job, but since she’s been a Senator, Hillary Clinton, they say, put on 30 pounds. In fact, she has gotten so heavy that today Bill hit on her.” 
— David Letterman

“Celebrity birthdays, today Monica Lewinsky is 28. It seemed like just yesterday she was crawling around on the floor in the Oval Office.”
— David Letterman

“No move ever goes smoothly.  Today Clinton’s brand new desk arrived. He had to send it back, apparently not enough head room.”
— David Letterman

“Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It’s the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.”
— Craig Kilborn

What is Bill Clinton’s favorite federal program?
Head Start

I know the spotlight has mostly been on Hillary these days, but if she’s elected president, Bill is definitely going to have more time on his hands. I couldn’t resist posting this stuff below about him. 

From the law offices of Johnnie Cochran, here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:

1.   If the dress ain’t a mess, he won’t need to confess
2.  The economy’s great, let the white boy skate
3.   If the bitch didn’t spit, you must acquit
4.   If she’s not spread eagle, it’s not illegal
5.   Lewinsky’s a whore, and Bill’s better than Gore
6.   So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some   asses.
7.   He cheats on his wife, but that’s his personal life
8.   Bill can’t tell the truth until he sees Ken Starr’s proof
9.   Bill’s not sleazy, Lewinsky’s just easy
10. If sex is just oral, it’s not immoral

delete reply strongwilledwoman wrote on Jan 10, ’08 “If Hillary is elected president, it may become drastic, as she never could veto the Bill, even though it went house to house.” –strongwilledwoman Are you sure Martha wasn’t there polishing the jewels? Very cute post, thanks.

edit delete reply lauritasita wrote on Jan 10, ’08 This is so HILL-air-eee-us !!!

delete reply sweetpotatoqueen wrote on Jan 10, ’08 ROFL,this is SOOO good, Thanks for the belly laugh.

edit delete reply lauritasita wrote on Jan 14, ’08 Your’re very welcome! We could all use a laugh once in a while.

delete reply sanssouciblogs wrote on Jan 15, ’08 Ha , funnneeeee, but I have to admit, she is one smart cookie, and we could do worse. I’m past the Monica stuff, I think he’s scared shitless of Hill.

edit delete reply lauritasita wrote on Jan 15, ’08 I think she had her plans to become president ready when they were college sweethearts.